First time for everything

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life.  It hurts when a dream, a vision comes to an end.  For six years, Jim and I have been dreaming about the Canopy, about what church should be and would be.  And now we have close the doors of our visionary, creative, at one time vibrant church.

So why write today...  

Today I had a swim practice.  Jim made me promise to tell the coach about the car accident I had 14 years ago.  I did not want to.  It is not something I like to mention, because I don't want it to sound like an excuse for not trying hard.  But Jim insisted, worried that I might be overtraining.

Talking about the car accident reminded me of how much changed that long ago day. You get used to the changes.  A new normal.  So much so, you forget that there was a time before headaches, back and shoulder pain.  It is normal now.  This is not a bad thing either.  It is part of being resilient, going on.  But today I was reminded of before, and how Jim has walked this road with me.  He was there before the accident, and was with me as we dealt with the pain.  Since then, we have been though many dark roads, other losses.  And we have always come through these times together and stronger in the end.

I can not see the road ahead without the Canopy.  It is too dark and too sad.  But there is some hope knowing I have travelled dark roads before...and have come through.  I know in my head, God is with me, though it is hard to feel His presence right now.  What I do know and feel, is the presence of my partner and my love.